Well according to a tip on Apartment Therapy you can throw a hunk of Spam in a set of pantyhose, tie up the pantyhose, and scrub away at your wooden furniture.
"This method acts like the old Mayo trick when it comes to polishing and cleaning furniture. It helps to calm any water rings, bring out the grain and make it shine (most likely the same things that happens to your stomach after eating it... but who are we to judge). My mother in law would like to go on record by saying that this isn't something she does everyday (or probably has in the last 20 years) but it does in fact work."
So aparently it works. This quote does bring up another question, which i will now dive into the internet to solve. what is the "Mayo Trick"? oh nevermind it's just putting mayo in your hair to make it soft and shiny. will have to remember that one.
i've got this large armoire that has seen better days in terms of it's finish, maybe i'll go grab some Spam and give it a rub-down. i wonder if there is a smell issue. i'll hold off on the mayo though, maybe i can get Cynthia to try that one.